Saturday, October 18, 2008

New Red Sonja Movie from Robert Rodriguez!?

So, nerds of all ages (but mostly male nerds between 14 and 45) were all a twitter with excitement over Robert Rodriguez's news bomb at the San Diego Comic Con that he is now elbows deep into making a new Red Sonja movie, starring none other than the girl he's porking, Rose McGowan. Funny how Hollywood works that way, isn't it.


I hate to sound cynical, but I just can't help but worry over this announcement for several reasons, the first being this banal attempt at attracting teenage zit-faced virgins in the guise of a "teaser poster"...


I mean, who licks blood off of a sword? Seriously? It doesn't take Freud to point out that it isn't meant to be perceived as a sword by the target demographic. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with sexiness in advertising or whatever, but this is just insultingly obvious and crass, and not to mention badly rendered.

There is another poster floating around out there that is a gazillion times better. It's got a stark "Sin City" look to it. Check this baby out...


Okay, okay... now you've got my attention...

Look, I don't mean to be Dr. Downer here and piss in everybody's Cheerios but I've been a fan of the Red Sonja character from way back in the day when she made her first appearance in the Conan the Barbarian comic book from Marvel and all through her solo comic book title. These were the good old days...


But I just can't help but cringe at the thought that another atrocity is going to get made like the last time Hollywood tried to tackle Red Sonja. Need I remind everyone?



Director Robert Rodriquez was heard saying that he wanted to do for the Red Sonja franchise what Christopher Nolan did for the Batman franchise. Hoo boy... that's a big statement. First of all, the character of Red Sonja has nowhere near the cultural history that Batman does, and secondly, Rose McGowan doesn't have nearly the acting prowess of Christian Bale. Granted, she's got boobs, so that's in her favor, I suppose.

Anyway, Robert Rodriguez, I implore you... reach deep down within your creative well and make a good movie for us. Let's not revisit the horror of the original Red Sonja movie. Give us something gritty, real and visceral. Give us a strong story, not just a T&A stroke show. Give us some good dialog instead of corny one-liners. And please, whatever you do, spare us from little kung-fu kids going, "Hyah! Hyah!"


'Nuff said!


DeadSpiderEye said...

I didn't mind the old film, there is indeed a certain degree of crappyiness about it, that unconvincing fight with the mechanical snake and Nielsen blends in a bit too effectively against an arboreal backdrop. None of the set pieces really work, they're too pantomime, in need of a certain amount extra viscera in both the literal and metaphorical sense. Oh dear, that sounds a bit like I didn't like it all, so what did I like? Well theirs a nice look to some of the production, it's got a bit of a Philippe Druillet feel about it and the supporting cast hold up their end better than the lead. The narrative has some nice quirks too, thumbing its nose at some conventions along the way.

Anonymous said...

"...there's a nice look..."