Another memo from the Not quite CONAN department. SKAAR

Ok we've covered this one already and noted that when SKAAR first appeared as a regular in the Marvel Universe he was jokingly referred to as CONAN due to his similar stature hair do and big sword. But Marvel now has their TV show HULK and the agents of S.M.A.S.H I have not delved any further into it to find out what SMASH means. But I do know " HULK SMASH!!! " So here we have some snippets and stills from the cartoon series and some promo spot shots of the crew. Take a look for yourself....does SKAAR ( Who is supposed to be the son of the HULK in the comic books ) look like CONAN? Yeah I guess so. The cartoon ignores the son of HULK concept so that completely negates that he is an earth elemental and can literally with will power raise a mountain with a thought and drop it on someone as well as convert his body into a solid impervious rock like state as well as benefit from having the size and physical power of the HULK. No doubt about it if used properly SKAAR can be a dangerous customer. But the cartoon is missing the mark on this one. They should cover the whole PLANET HULK story into a flashback and properly give SKAAR an origin. That's just my opinion.

THE SAVAGE SWORD OF SASQUATCH?

I stumbled across a new comic book series written and created by Josh S. Heneman with a familiar feel to it but a great deal different than what we are used to. The nearest I can figure...because I have yet to purchase the comic book itself but plan to. But enjoy these random web pictures I grabbed to share with you. I plan to review the comic series as soon as I can acquire some copies. As of this writing I don't know how long it's been out but it looks like a fun read and I kinda like the idea of Bigfoot running around with a broadsword whacking and hacking things up...but it looks to me in some panels he does that with his bare hands as well...Enjoy.

Alagg the Barbarian Web Comic!

Cromsblood sent me this comic that he found via the REH Forums, called Alagg the Barbarian!

While not quite Conan, he's certainly very much inspired by all the things we savages here think are best in life.

Here's some samples...

Click HERE to visit the main site! (May not be the safest thing to read at work.)

The Savage SPATULA.....!!!?

BEHOLD! TWO..count'em TWO....Conan style parody covers I founded ( Yes I know I said FOUNDED I'm tryin' be cute gimmie a break huh! ) at the book store! ( Barnes and Noble )

I plan on adding them to my collection simply because it's CONAN related...The book

"Masters of the Nonsense-verse"...is a collection of strips from the GET FUZZY comic strips by Darby Conley , a particular favorite of mine when I'm scanning the paper and reading the comics. It reminds me of the ol' BLOOM COUNTY strips by Berkely Breathed and CALVIN and Hobbes by Bill Watterson all at once. I love the Boris/Frazetta style composition here...makes me wanna take a vacation.

The other is "SPONGEBOB COMICS" # 7 with a JOE JUSKO style cover....I think it's freaking hilarious that Patrick is the damsel in distress....FUNNEEE STUFF! Enjoy.

Good News for Battlepug Fans!

From the official Dark Horse press release:

The epic tale of blood and drool begins here! Keeping the tradition of its creator-owned mentality, Dark Horse Comics is pleased to announce its newest venture with Mike Norton—Battlepug!

 “I was really happy when people first reacted to the comic. It’s hard to predict if the public needs another ‘Giant Pug Epic Fantasy’ story. I mean, we all know those are a dime a dozen, right? Luckily, the story of a barbarian’s quest for revenge with the aid of our favorite four-legged freak seems to have legs,” said Norton. “When I first made the Battlepug T-shirt, people kept asking when the comic was coming out. So, I put out the webcomic and now everybody wants to know when the book is coming out! I guess now people will want to know when the movie is happening?”

 This volume collects the first year of Mike Norton’s Battlepug—the perfect opportunity to get in on the ground floor of the fan-favorite webcomic by Mike Norton, Allen Passalaqua, and Crank!

 Join Moll and her dogs Mingo and Colfax, as she recounts the legend of “The Warrior and the Battlepug”—a tale of a fearless barbarian, his trusty and freakishly large pug, and evil baby harp seals.

“I’m a huge fan of Dark Horse and couldn’t be more excited to have Battlepug published by them. Hellboy, B.P.R.D., Buffy, Star Wars—they put out some of the best comics currently being made and it’s humbling to even be on the same shelf with that kind of product! I’m super excited for people to read it and look forward to much more in the future!” stated Norton.

 Mike Norton’s Battlepug Volume 1 is on sale July 4, 2012!

Vikor!

Spotted this Vikor action figure over at Poe Ghostal's and just had to share it here.

"Gege the Average Joe Barbarian" by Stephane Sabourin!

I got an email a while back from french artist, Stephane Sabourin, who sent along his little tribute to the barbarian genre with his Conan-esque parody, Gege the Average Joe Barbarian, which, quite frankly, I found brilliant (if only I could read French)!

In his own words:

hello
I'm a french admirer of your "Crom" homepage and also a huge REH fan!
Few years ago,I made this 7 pages parody of our beloved Cimmerian,strongly inspired by the introduction part in Buziek and Nord's comics(I'm also a big fan of their works)
Here is the link to my DeviantArt page and the "Gege the Average Joe Barbarian" folder(with english explanation for each page,for texts are all in french,sorry). If you want to have a glance at it...by the way I'm an hobbyist penciler,I won't mind(or cast any curse^^) if you don't like my work!
By Ishtar's Girdle...
Bye

By Ishtar's Girdle, indeed! Enjoy...

" Rob Roy the Destroyer "

See Scottish legend ROB ROY demonstrate the sword fighting technique known as the Priest's robe cut...as you can plainly see although Mr. Cunningham knows his way around with a rapier there is no denying a well placed Claymoore blow to the collar bone can really ruin one's day.
This sword fight is one of my all time favorite sword fights in the history of filmdom. NO it is not an action packed swing for swing , blow for blow account of a fast paced major hack and slash battle. But yet it is a dramatic representation of the way it was back in the dueling days. The larger stronger combatant won this one because he had an advantage while being at a disadvantage. He did not have the skill to out match his opponent but his power came in handy when the moment was right. In cold calculating fashion when he appeared down and out he saw his opening and ended the battle leaving ARCHIE with a sucking , gaping chest wound. I love the way this YOUTUBE poster used the theme from STAR TREK'S EPIC battle between KIRK and SPOCK in the "Amok time" episode to full advantage. It works perfectly. I only kinda wish that they used the Basil Poledouris score from CONAN instead. No this is not CONAN...but Mr. Mac is of the same lineage as our stalwart Cimmerian. Of course CONAN would have ended this duel a bit quicker...instead of grabbing the sword he would have ripped the arm from the socket and skewered his opponent with both sword and arm...but the results would have been the same.

" The Savage Sword of Commander X " by Jay Piscopo

Jay Piscopo , Comic creator , artist , Author and Publisher is responsible for this homage/parody to our favorite Son of Cimmeria. Jay has a unique and classic style all his own. His work reminds me a bit of Alex Toth and some Steve Rude ( Greatly influenced by Toth himself ) Visit Jay's website and check out his products. This drawing right here sparked an idea. Jay ( Who through Dr. Mego ) produces his own COMMANDER X action figures that you can buy online through his website (HERE). You can also visit his Blog on Blogspot (HERE).

....next year the plan is to produce a SAVAGE SWORD version of COMMANDER X ( MEGO ) style action figure complete with furry shorts. I made friends with Jay on the facebook after I saw his Undersea super hero the SEA GHOST comic book. I felt the need to share this drawing with the good readers of CROM...be on the lookout next year for this new Barbaric action figure. I know I'll be getting me one. Dig it!

MARKAN the BARBARIAN

Check out Mark here in this poster dressed as a Barbarian of some sort. Look at his fist going through that helmet.

Me and Mark having a little ( POSED ) arm wrestle at the 1983 JETS SWARM PICNIC in East Meadow NY. I was 15

Mark Gastineau number 99 for the NY JETS from 1979 to 1988 one of the most physically dominant players ever to step foot on the BATTLEFIELD known as the GRIDIRON. In 100 starts he racked up 100 sacks and by the end of his career he had 107 sacks...( 106 and a half actually ) at 6'5" tall and weighing in at 276 lbs he was a powerful and imposing giant among men. His prowess on the field was legendary he would tear helmets in half. Few men in football can lay that claim to fame. He once held the record for most sacks in one season at 22 sacks only broken within the last few years by former NY FOOTBALL GIANT Michael Straihan.

At one time he was married to Brigitte Nielsen ( who went on to play RED SONJA ) he retired from Football to spend more time with her whileshe was going through a tough time with Cancer. Don't worry she beat it. But his career was done. He tried going into the Canadian Football league but he did not get much respect from any of the other members of the league and his career in the CFL was brief. So he turned to boxing and he had a pretty impressive record but that did not last long either. Later on he had done some time in the Pen for drug possession and when he came out he tried going back to boxing. But at that time he was not quite what he used to be as boxers were all training hard to battle big men such as himself. He retired from that as well. Lately he lays low but has been known to make appearances at Sports card trade conventions and other public personal appearances. He is still a legend in the NFL and still has the respect of the league.

In 1983 I met him and actually had a photo taken with him...arm wrestling. This is shortly after a bar fight scrap he'd gotten into with the bouncer of a club in NY over ARM WRESTLING of all things.

An interesting little bit of History here. Sylvester Stallone actually wanted Gastineau to play the part of DRAGO in Rocky III...but for one reason or another Mark turned it down. ( Take it with a grain of salt ) During that time..STALLONE was married to the woman Mark would marry just 2 years later...coincidence? I think not.

That kind of leads to another similar situation between Mickey Roarke , Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa...Jason did not want to share a set with Mickey ( Take it with a grain of salt )...years ago when Lisa ( Jason's wife ) was filming ANGEL HEART with Mickey Roarke it was rumored they had a little on set romance going on....so...The part of CONAN's Daddy was given to Ron Pearlman. Coincidence? Hmmm...Don't buy into these old Hollywood rumors. Anyway...Gastineau will always be one of my heroes. He had that physique and size I always imagined would be pretty much what CONAN looked like up close and personal...and from Gastineau's performance out on the BATTLEFIELD pretty much what it would be like too.

WULF vs IRONJAW

Oh , Maybe 35 years ago...a completely arbitrary guesstimate. A new line of comic books came out headed by former employees of Marvel comics. The goal was to give Marvel a run for their money. Being that Marvel had been called ATLAS comics at one time the name ATLAS was chosen as a dig. The comic books produced were high quality material by some of the best people in the field at the time. Standout comics included Destructor , The Pheonix , Morlock and the midnight men and TWO count'em TWO ...CONAN the Barbarian inspired characters. The comics in the line were done by Neal Adams , Larry Hama , Larry Lieber , Howard Chaykin , Mike Sekowsky , Pablo Marcos and STEVE DITKO! ( As well as several other top talents of the time ) The comic books themselves were well written and very well drawn. They were a comparable product to what Marvel was putting out then.

CONAN was at that time one of the best selling and some months THE best selling comic book at the stands...giving Spiderman the nudge from time to time. So of course other companies whipped up Barbarian characters to jump on the bandwagon...it's an old story we all know and love...DC comics had CLAW and so on Blah , Bla , Blah.

Lets fast forward all the way to the present day. ATLAS comics has seen a revival and TWO count'em TWO of CONAN's distant cousins are making a comeback...against one another.

My comic book store does not get many alternate press comics so..I have to stick with the usual super hero material. Lucky for me he gets DYNAMITE and DARK HORSE books...so I won't miss RED SONJA and CONAN....So As of yet I have not seen these new ATLAS comics..but I am on the hunt for them...( eBay ) Take a look at these awesome covers. Makes you want to go run and find them yourselves right?

If somebody beats you out on that auction..it could be me. Sorry.

Highland BADASS vs ZULU warrior

I guess this'll fall into the " Not quite CONAN " department. I found this video on youtube
and the person who posted it mirrored the image to nullify copyright infringement as the video is owned by viacom. ( Don't really see how that would work ) But here it is ...Celtic HERO " Sir " William Wallace complete with blue war paint in battle against Zulu warrior KING , SHAKA ZULU.

Taken from an episode of DEADLIEST WARRIOR from the SPIKE network. Anyone familiar with the show knows that these battle scenarios are run 1000 times through a battle simulator program and the warrior with the greater percentage of kills/wins earns the title " DEADLIEST WARRIOR ".

They have already run an episode with Zombies and Vampires...Now...I'm waiting until they get to
everyones favorite Broadsword swinging CIMMERIAN! Hmm...Now the question...who would we put CONAN up against?

( P.S. If we are told to remove the video by reps from viacom...it will be done. In the meantime enjoy ! )

Book Review: FANGBONE! Third Grade Barbarian! by Michael Rex

Fangbone! Third Grade Barbarian combines three things that I have always loved; graphic novels, stories about funny kids in school (the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, come to mind) and sword-swinging, helmet -denting barbarians. So imagine the sheer joy I felt while reading Mike Rex's book where he deftly rolls up all of these things into one single, hilarious, raucous, bellowing, zany, barbaric (and sometimes gross) package.

And he even signed it for me with a little sketch!

Fangbone is about a young barbarian warrior (named Fangbone, natch) who goes through the usual trials of trying to prove himself to his barbarian tribe, but never gets a chance because the rest of his uncouth brethren are too busy pointing out the fact that he is a runty little kid, despite the fact that Fangbone wears his courage on his chest like a set of plate armor.

The story kicks off as the army of Drool (the main bad dude) is about to attack Fangbone's clan in order to retrieve the severed big toe of said bad dude, which is the last remaining piece of his body that is needed to resurrect him. But Fangbone's clan isn't about to give that up, so while the warriors battle the evil horde, Fangbone is given the big toe and sent into another dimension by a sorcerer (ZORKO! GORKO! DORKO! DOO!) to keep it safe. And that other dimension happens to be our world.

After a valiant battle with an old truck in a dump heap, Fangbone finds himself in an elementary school, surrounded by a group of... shall we say... special... kids, who are all so odd enough in their own rights that they don't really give him too much grief about wearing fuzzy shorts to school.

Fangbone becomes quick friends with a kid named Bill, who's a little light on the confidence, but is nice enough to show Fangbone the ropes of living in our world, like how to flush a toilet.

I don't want to go too into the story, but suffice it to say that the evil army of Drool sends some nasties to get that big toe and Fangbone must enlist the help of his new cohorts in fighting them (doing wonders for Bill's confidence along the way).

My favorite scene is toward the end of the book when the go toe to toe (no pun intended) with Lord King Bat, who totally looked like the kind of creature I would have drawn all over my Trapper Keeper folders when I was in 3rd grade.

I also love the scene when a squirrel steals the big toe. But I digress.

The artwork in this book is simple, yet skilled, and the monochrome coloring scheme is brilliant, if you ask me. I think I've made it pretty clear that I loved this book and greatly hope that there will be more tales of Fangbone in the future, so I'll shut up now about its cover-to-cover epic-ness.

Now, in all fairness, I know that most of the readers of CROM! are more into the gritty barbaric novels of Robert E. Howard and probably less inclined to curl up with a graphic novel about 3rd-graders, but for the few of you that do have a child-like heart, or perhaps an actual adventure-loving child in your home, Fangbone is sure to be a major hit... like a beanball to the face (you'll have to read the book to know what that means).

For more about Mike Rex and Fangbone! visit is blog HERE.

The Savage Sword of Leonardo

(Special thanks to Jboypacman!)

Bone the Barbarian!

 

Relaunching comic books with new #1 issues and alternate takes on familiar characters is nothing new in the world of super-hero comics, with the upcoming DC Comics relaunch as the latest and greatest example. Rebooting without the baggage of old stories can add new life to characters -- or completely misinterpret them in very fundamental ways.

With that in mind, we've commissioned an original art series of Indie Reboots from Kevin Mellon (Heart, Lovestruck), imagining how some of the most iconic independent comics might look today if they went through the mainstream reboot machine. The classic all-ages Jeff Smith comic is up next, as Bone becomes Bone the Barbarian.

Solicitation:

Exiled from his homeland of Boneboria, the warrior Fone Bonan sets out on a epic quest to find the mythical Crown of Horns, an artifact of great and terrible power that will grant a vast kingdom to any man who dares to claim it. But he is not the only one who seeks the Crown, and though dark wizards, fearsome dragons, and hordes of stupid, stupid rat creatures seek to block his path, they will soon learn that the Bone who would be King has no mercy for either man or monster -- save the mercy of his sword point. Joined by the warrior maiden Thorn, he must cross vast deserts and haunted valleys on the long march towards the mountain lair of warlord Kingdok, and the final battle that will decide the fate not only of one bonebarian, but the fate of the world.

Read More: www.comicsalliance.com

Thongor! "Where Broods the Demon!" at Diversions of a Groovy Kind!

Under the "Not Quite Conan" file, we find our very Conan-esque comic book sword-swinger, Thongor, in a few killer pages from Creatures on the Loose #23, posted on one of my all-time favorite comic blogs, Diversions of a Groovy Kind. Check it out!

You can see more Thongor HERE!

Krey the Barbarian!

 Trolling through one of my all time favorite websites this morning, which posts CBR versions of classic comic books, I came across this barbaric little gem; a 3 issue run of a comic called Krey, from Caliber Comics (publishers of the legendary Crow series).

The comics are very 1992 in every way; art, theme, feel, format. But in an oddly nostalgic way, it's a pretty cool book. There are some gory fight scenes, a few scenes ripped straight from Conan the Barbarian, and the main hottie had four arms for some reason. The artwork is actually pretty well-rendered if a bit cartoony.

Still, it's free, so head on over to HERE to download all three issues zipped. You'll need the Comical Comic Book Reader program to read the book, but it's also free, easy to use and a must have for anyone who loves comics and has a computer.

Enjoy!

 

BARBARIAN! The Video Game!

I totally remember playing this game back in the day at my best friend's house during the Summer of '87. We thought the game totally ruled back then. Fellow blogger, Darious Whiteplume, posted some scans of the box art on his Tumblr, complete with a busty '80s style mega-hottie and it completely took me back in time. I just had to repost these here!

Somebody has to know where I can download the abandonware for this!

(click the images to view full size)