Conan/Terminator T-shirt Welcomes You to California!

Mitra's beard! How effin' crazy is this shirt?! This looks more like something that should be painted on the side of a van owned by the worst drummer in the world, who still lives with his parents.

Seriously, I can't begin to express the level of absurdity that radiates from this t-shirt like magic from Thulsa Doom's butt. The whole Conan/Terminator amalgamation is stupid enough, but hell, they might as well have added in Arnold's characters from Predator, Commando, Twins and Jingle All the Way while they were at it. Nice gold sword, too. Did he melt down C-3PO and then hammer him into a barbarian weapon?

Crom...

Oh! Good news! It also comes in white!

If you have just smoked a bunch of meth and are now in the mental state necessary to actually buy this shirt, you can get it HERE.

Weird Conan Model Kit!

This thing is just plain freaky! I stumbled across it on eBay and the seller claimed this was from Poland or something. Poland? Why Poland? They claim it's meant to be Conan and I believe them. I mean, take a look at those swords and that face is clearly designed to look like Arnold.

Anyway, it looks like the Conan version of those big-headed monster model they used to sell back in the 60's. Of course, I can talk all the smack I want but you all know damn well that I desperately want it!

Say... is that...?

My homeboy Greg (fellow gamer and bestower of my prized Conan Mego figure, aka "Acorndog") sent me this page from Conan #13, page 2. He noticed something interesting in the upper left-hand panel. Take a look for yourselves...

Here... I'll make it easier on you. Look at the dude running in just above Conan...

Is that.... is that Thor?! It sure as hell looks like him! We may have stumbled on to a little joke from Mr. Barry Windsor Smith!

Good eye, Acorndog!

Bonan Statue?! Hahahahahaaaa!!!

Crom! reader, simply called "The Barbarian," sent us a link to this lovely item on eBay. It looks like someone took a ceramic Frazetta rip-off statue and then used those plastic binders that people use to keep computer wires from getting out of hand to attach a beat-up McFarlaine warrior chick action figure to it along with an old belt buckle that this person found at a yard sale that someone had made in the late 70's thinking he would get lots of chicks if he tried to tell them his name was "Bonan".

It's going for $40.00 right now. You know what I'd rather spend $40 on rather than this thing? ANYTHING! Also, the description calls it an "Unfinished PornoBJ Statue Project". WHAT?! Good lord...

See it in all it's true horror HERE. Thanks to The Barbarian for the link!

The Rage of Bonan!

It took me a while to stop laughing enough in order to type out this post after seeing what has got to be hands-down the weirdest side effect of the Conan phenomenon. Apparently, thanks to the surge in Conan's popularity, stemming from the Age of Conan MMORPG, some makers of adult films have jumped on the Hyborian bandwagon and released a movie called The Rage of Bonan!

Hahahahahaaaaa!!! Bonan?!

It basically looks like this ugly dude with a sword (ahem) goes around boinking chicks in the woods. Here are some stills...

And if you want to see two ugly people looking even uglier...

Yeah, baby!

I swear to Crom, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life! If you really, really, really have something against your eyeballs and want to punish them by watching this, legend has it that this movie is all over the torrent sites. Just try not to pee you pants with shame as you find yourself typing "Bonan" into a search field. ;)

Conan the Pimp!

I came across this over at The Retroist and just had to repost it here. It's from the "What if Conan the Barbarian were Stranded in the 20th Century" issue from Marvel Comics. Classic stuff!

Conan Stuff Found on Ebay!

Every now and then, I troll through ebay looking for Conan stuff, and I occasionally get lucky and find some really different things. So i thought I might as well share them with you all.

The first thing I have for you is this Conan figure model of unknown origin. It looks like it is based on the original Conan the Barbarian movie poster. From the look of the packaging, I have to say that this appears to be some sort of bootleg item made by who knows. The mold isn't that great, being kind of chunky and lacking in detail. Still, it's a cool piece of Conan history. If anyone knows about this, please let me know!



I'd love to see a fully painted version of this, just to see if it's possible to make it look decent.

Another side effect from just typing in the word "Conan" into ebay's search field is that you're at the mercy of people simply randomly naming this "Conan" when they actually have nothing to do with the character at all. So imagine my surprise at finding this hideously ugly "Conan Lamp"...






It doesn't look anything like him! I guess people think any slightly barbaric, muscle-bound figure is Conan. Go figure.

And finally, another cool thing about ebay searches is that you'll turn up some cool custom stuff. Somebody out there put in the effort to make a custom Conan Heroclix figure complete with stat card for the Heroclix collectable battle game. I don't play Heroclix, but I imagine to a Heroclix/Conan fan, this is the best thing they have ever seen!



More stuff coming soon! I'll try to start posting more regularly! I promise!

Conangrams! Wait... what?

Hail to you all!

My apologies for not posting in a while, I got crazy busy this past week. So I thought I'd drop a quick note to you all and show you this weird thing I came across the other day.

So, I'm trolling through on of my favorite used bookstores and found this book from Marvel, circa 1976. It's called The Mighty Marvel Superheroes Fun Book. It's basically a puzzle book with mazes and word puzzles and stuff like that all based on Marvel's characters.

Here's the cover...



Now, I can't pass things like this up, especially when it's only $1.50, and it's a bonus when you look it up on ebay and it's going for about $25!

But the coolest part is the page devoted to our favorite barbarian! So they took some words from the Conan comic and jumbled them up and you have to solve them. I know, not exactly rocket science, but it was for kids in the mid 1970's. Anyway, here's that page. See if you can solve them all!

Conan Oddities (Part 3)

Holy crap! The blogs are finally working again! Sorry about all the test post and bulletins telling you that there were new posts when there weren't. Anyway, I guess it's all good again, so I can get back to being a big nerd and writing blogs about our favorite son of Cimmeria...

Sometimes, while trolling ebay for various collectables, I come across some truly bizarre stuff, but nothing beats this foam rubber sculpted head of Arnold as Conan. Who would make such a thing? WHY would you make such a thing? The ad said that is was ready to be hung on a wall. Holy crap...


I also stumbled on to a collection of little league baseball pins from the Portland Oregon area that gave homage to our great King of Aquilonia, except his sword was replaced with a bat, and you could get him in any skin color (that's good, political correctness) with any color of cloak (including pink). These are hilarious!


Here's a couple of Conan PVC figures that I have never seen before. The site I found the first one on claimed it was from Italy. If anyone knows anything about these, please fill me in! The second one looks like he was probably originally on a horse, or maybe his loincloth is chafing...


Here's a couple of ads I found from some site that sells various replica swords and weapons. This first one is, according to them, The Sword of Conan. Yeah, right. It looks a little like the one that was used in the wretched TV show, Conan the Adventurer, and never, EVER, did Arnold wield this glittering piece of crap! This sword is so un-Conan I can't believe it. Nice try with Photoshopping the sword into Arnold's hand, but we who know are not fooled...


And here's a shield from the same site, also which I have no memory of and seriously doubt that Conan would run into battle with his name written on the front of his shield. Is that like writing your name on your lunchbox in school? Bah!


And finally, just because I think this is funny, here's a Marvel Comics sticker from 1975.

Conan Oddities! (Part 2)

Hey everybody!

Well, I’ve got more Conan oddities for you. It just goes to show that we truly live in a weird ass world.

Along the lines of Strange Conan Collectables are these official Conan puffy stickers. That’s right, you heard me... puffy stickers! Now, the media of the puffy sticker was historically reserved for pictures of unicorns or Strawberry Shortcake, but apparently some marketing executive thought that there was plenty of room in the world of sticker collecting for our very own savage son of Cimmeria!


And if puffy stickers aren’t strange enough how about trekking through your neighborhood vehemently ingoring the torrential downpour thanks to your trusty Conan rain poncho...


Here’s a picture I found on flickr regarding a nightclub on the coast of the Mediteranian named "Conan Cafe". Can you imagine? "So, where you guys going tonight?" "Oh, I guess we’re going to head down to Conan’s for some dancing and cocktails."


Not even graffiti artists are immune to Robert E. Howards influnce, as these pieces of street art demonstrate...




And finally, here’s a sign that you’re raising your kid the right way...

Conan Oddities! (Part 1)

Hail! Conan has been a pervasive force over the years with all the books, comics, movies, etc. So it stands to reason that any time something makes that much of an impact on a culture, there are going to be a few strange side effects. Here are a few of my favorites...

I found this pic on the Conan forums. According to the guy that owned it, it’s a Conan candle that he found in Spain. Maybe it was made for little barbarian birthday parties...


Okay, at first I thought these were crayons, then I thought they might be glue sticks, then I worried that they may be (cringe!) lip gloss! But it turns out that they are just erasers. This was clearly made in another country, though the person who posted the pic said he found the erasers in Russia. Interesting find, but I got to thinking to myself, "Erasers? Seriously?"


Here’s what it would look like if Lego made a Conan the Barbarian playset...


I stumbled on to this screenshot of some sort of Conan video game from waaayyyy back in the day, but I don’t recognize it at all. So if anyone knows what game system or year that this came from, let me know. It’s obviously meant to look like Arnold, probably based on the Destroyer movie...


And finally, many people know that Conan was a thief, a pirate, a mercenary, a king... But did you know that he at one time was the onwer of a prosperous pizza restaurant?