Conan Desktop Wallpaper!

Hail all!

I just wanted to link you all to this really sweet Conan desktop wallpaper from the Conan: Dark Axe video game. It Cimmeria-riffic!



Get the full size wallpaper HERE!

Book Review: Conan the Hunter by Sean A. Moore

As many Conan fans know, the Conan pastiche novels can really be hit or miss. Some are excellent (Robert Jordan) and some are steaming piles of giant snake poo (anything by Steve Perry). For the most part, the vast majority of the pastiche novels fall comfortably in the middle. None of them will ever please the Howard-purists, and I understand that. But for those of us that can appreciate the different takes an author can give on the Conan character and just like a good rip-roarin' tale of battles, wenches and treasures, the pastiches can often provide.

This is definitely the case with Conan the Hunter, by Sean A. Moore. Like Moore's other Conan novels, Conan and the Grim Grey God and Conan and the Shaman's Curse, this novel read like Moore wrote down all of the more adventurous high points of his latest Dungeons & Dragons campaign, added Conan into the story and then wrapped it all up with tidy, quick-reading prose. Moore is always very mindful of fully developing the other characters in his stories. In fact, there were parts of the novel when the star of the story would shift briefly, going into deeper detail about a supporting character that will become important to Conan's story later in the book. This development just helps the reader better identify with why Conan would befriend this particular person, or instantly distrust this other person. Also, Moore's takes on Conan always seem to have a bit more adventure and fantasy added to them than many other authors', and I always seem to finish his books going, "Phew! What a ride!"

The story in a nutshell starts out with Conan getting set up for a murder and robbery he didn't commit, then he gets his arm broken, then healed, then murders some Brythunian city guards for picking a fight with the wrong barbarian, then battles a hideous one-eyed, pustulent tentacled beast is the sewers, and this is just the beginning of the story!

He later teams up with a Kenzankian hillman and a priest of Mitra to hunt down one nasty, vampiric she-bitch of a sorceress who used dark magic to sap the life from the new King of Brythunia. And this hussy is a piece of work. Part witch, part vampire and all evil.

There are deadly bar brawls, living gods made of molten bronze, silver-tongued demons, razor-clawed gargoyles, talking green-eyed spiders and page after page of broken bones and spilled blood.

So if you want to sink your teeth into a gritty, fantastic Conan novel, read this one as soon as you can.

And that's all I have to say about that, by Crom!

Conehead the Barbituate!

I remember reading this back in the December 1982 issue of Mad magazine and have been looking for it for years. Don Martin's hilarious artwork always cracked me up. I found it a little while back online from a fan site that seems to no longer be there... hmmm. Oh well. Good thing I saved the jpegs when I did!

So sit back and enjoy Conehead the Barbituate! (Sorry about the hard-to-read scans, but again, I just found 'em. And yes, I did notice that they spelled barbiturate wrong, but they're Mad magazine and they can do whatever they want.)

New Conan Statue by Clayburn Moore Based on Frazetta Painting

Any Conan fan worth his salt has seen the famous "Conan the Conqueror" painting by the great Frank Frazetta...



Well, now thanks to the excellent sculpting work of Clayburn Moore of The CS Moore Studio, you can have your very own three dimensional version!









You can check out even more pics and order one HERE. Feel free to buy and extra one for me as well. ;)

Conan Birthday Art!

This is so funny. My good friend, Ryan, painted this Conan picture for my birthday and sent it to me yesterday (my birthday was 2 months ago, he's not the most punctual), and I thought it was so awesome that I had to post it here for all to see!

Custom Conan Heroclix Figure!

I've never played Heroclix, but I gather that it's very similar to other miniature battle games like Heroscape and whatnot, but I've known quite a few people that were crazy into it (I had one friend years ago that used to go around the country winning tournaments) and so it doesn't surprise me to see people out there are starting to make their own custom Heroclix figures. This figure that I found on eBay (which has since sold) could very well answer the eternal question "If Conan fought [insert superhero's name here], who would win?"

I'm betting on the barbarian. ;)

Conan the Adventurer - Episode 4

Onion Article: Obama Disappointed Cabinet Failed To Understand His Reference To 'Savage Sword Of Conan' #24

Thanks to a regular CROM! reader named Jay for sending along this hilarious Onion article discussing President Obama's dismay at people not getting his Conan references. You all may remember from an earlier post about Obama's collection of Conan comic books. Well, it looks like the folks at the Onion took that bit of info and ran with it.



Here's one of my favorite excerpts from the article...

"If my inner circle of advisers can't even communicate about the most basic issues, how are we going to tackle the massive problems our nation faces?" Obama said during a press conference. "When I tell my cabinet that getting bipartisan support is exactly like the time Conan got Taurus to help him steal Yara's jewel, they need to understand what I mean."

After receiving no reaction from the assembled reporters, Obama added, "Because a giant spider is protecting this chamber full of precious jewels, just like Congress is protecting its…. God, how are you people not seeing this?"



Hahaha!!! Good stuff!

Anyway, you can read the full article HERE. Enjoy! Thanks again, Jay!

Conan the Adventurer - Episode 3

Original Conan Movie Props for Sale!

Thanks to a link on the Conan Completist Forums, I came across this online auction site that sells all kinds of movie props, including a whole bunch of original Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer stuff. These are the actual movie props used in the making of these motion pictures. Not replica collectibles! And the prices show it, some commanding in the tens of thousands of dollars.

You'll find stuff like Sandahl Bergman's Valeria costume and boots...







Conan's Cult of Set acolyte's hood from the Mountain of Power scene...





An actual first draft script...





The Horn of Dagoth from Conan the Destroyer...





And all kinds of armor and weapons from the movie!





I strongly suggest stopping by the site, found HERE, and perusing all the awesome Conan goodies. Man, I wish I could afford to buy some of this stuff! One day, when I win the lottery and am a big shot gazillionaire, I plan to have a big, giant room filled with this kind of stuff. And you will all be envious! ;)

Happy Birthday to Robert E. Howard

Yesterday, January 22nd marked Robert E. Howard's birthday and I feel a little bad for mentioning this a day late, but I'm a busy guy. Anyway, a very heart-felt Happy Birthday to the great pulp writer and creator of my favorite hero, Conan the Barbarian! Just think, he'd be 103 years old today if he hadn't committed suicide that fateful day in 1936. A great writer and an even greater loss. I can't help but wonder what other great stories he would have written about Conan, Kull, Cormac and Solomon Kane if he had lived long enough to further his career. I wonder how different Conan would be now? Just something to think about.

1984 Starlog Interview with Queen Taramis!

I found a link to this interview via the Conan Completist Forums from Starlog magazine in 1984 with Sarah Douglas who played Queen Taramis in Conan the Destroyer. It's a pretty funny article where she talks about her cut sex scene with Arnold, slapping the bajeezus out of Wilt Chamberlin and how rather normal and lovely Grace Jones really is (hoo boy). Enjoy!

Vintage Marvel Conan Sticker Card!

"Shall we dance"? Are they friggin serious? That was the best they could come up with? How about "May Crom choke you on a yard of Hyrkanian steel, you Brythunian whore-son!"

Yeah... that's got a bit more style to it. ;)

Conan Pit Fighter Version 2 Action Figure Out Now!

Well, it's supposed to be out now, but it looks like it's still on pre-order. But just giving you action figure fans a heads up that'll be available hopefully very soon. If you guys haven't seen the Version 2 Pit Fighter, he looks like this...



...as opposed to the original, seen below...



Both equally awesome, if you want my opinion.

You can read all about it and pre-order one HERE. What are you waiting for?!

I'm Almost Speechless...

Man, it really looks like 2009 is going to be my year, gang. Not only have I had incredible fortune as a collector and a fan of all things Conan, but I'm also fortunate in the kind of friends I have. My great friend and fearless DM, Todd made me a badass custom Conan action figure, Bubbashelby bestowed upon me an original Conan trading card, generous reader Kevin from Ohio completed a decades long search for my new Conan Endless Quest books, and then to top it all off, my good friend, fellow gamer and co-DM Greg gave me a belated birthday present today. We met for coffee and as I was hanging my hoodie on my cafe bar stool, he leaned against my tall Americano an original 1974 Conan Mego action figure.



Let me put this into perspective for you all. When I was 13, I was reading the letters section in the back of an issue of Savage Sword of Conan and in one letter, the reader mentioned that his favorite action figure when he was a kid was his Conan action figure. Up until that point, I never knew that a Conan action figure even existed. Fast forward about a year or so when I was in a bookstore in a mall, and I stumbled on to a book about antique toys. Flipping through it, I discovered the Mego section and lo and behold, there was the grim son of Cimmeria right there on the page. I must have stared at that picture for a full fifteen minutes.

Many years later, my fandom for Conan only increased and I never forgot the Conan Mego. I used to check flea markets and toy shows, with no luck. Eventually, sites like eBay began to give me proof that they were out there somewhere. I would occassionally check eBay in hopes that somebody would be selling one within my meager price range, again with no luck. I always figured that one day, one way or another, I would get one. Maybe I'd finally find one in an antique store or something. So for twenty-three years I have wanted a Conan Mego and today marks the day when I finally got to see one, hold one in my actual hands. I had never even seen one in real life before. And now, because my homeboy Greg is a kickass friend, I officially own one. And it's a beauty!



He's missing some parts, as you Mego-files will notice. Specifically his sword, axe, yellow belt and boots. However, there are some awesome websites out there selling repro parts for Mego action figures that I am definitely not above ordering from! Some serious collectors frown on repro parts... whatever. I even found a site that makes and sells reproductions of the original packaging backing cards. Once I get all the parts, this baby is going to be glorious!



What he still has is in great condition. The sword scabbard is missing a piece, but again, I can always order a new one. The loincloth (or as Greg liked to call it; the fuzzy diaper) is clean and in awesome shape. His wristbands are perfect! The figure itself is in remarkable condition; tight joints, clean body, no discoloration on the head and the hair looks like it just came out of the box. Greg definitely took care of his toys better than I did when I was a kid!

Which reminds me. I have to mention that this Conan Mego was actually Greg's from when he was a kid. Apparently his Mom kept everything in a box, stored away, and he just remembered he had it and now passed it on to me. And I promised him I will take great care of Conan. And you all know damn well that I will!



Here's some closer details of the figure...

"Aaaarrrggghhh!!!"









So, I'll wind this up by thanking Greg again for his thoughtfulness and generosity. I can't wait to order all his new little parts and to make look like new again! Be sure that I'll be posting updates on the progress, whether anyone here wants to hear about or not. ;)

Okay, I'm going to go play with my action figure now!

Conan the Adventurer - Episode 2

Conan the Adventurer - Episode 1

Well, after over 20 years of searching used book stores, thrift stores, flea markets, little kids' backpacks and the pockets of dead bums in alleys, all with no luck, my long search for the Conan Endless Quest adventure books came to a conclusion thanks to the amazing generosity of a Geek Orthodox reader named Kevin. In all seriousness, people, I'm stunned.

You all may recall that I previously posted a blog about these books, how much I had cherished them when I was 12 years old and how I was willing to push a nun off a building to get them back again. I published the blog without another thought and went on with my life. Then, a few weeks ago, I got an e-mail from a reader, telling me that he had bought a big stack of Endless Quest books on eBay for a steal and there happened to be two of the three books in there and if I cared to send him my mailing address, he'd send them along. Just like that. Didn't even want shipping. Just did it out of kindness. This, my friends, is the kind of thing that renews my hope for the future of mankind.



Then, about a week ago, I get another e-mail from Kevin, letting me know that while he was digging around for something, he came across the third book, Conan the Outlaw, which I had never even seen in real life! You see, folks? The world's gonna be just fine.

Yesterday they arrived in the mail. I am now, once again, the owner of all three Conan Endless Quest books and I fully intend to do nothing this weekend but lay on the couch with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and read them, over and over again.



I'll probably be totally geeking out on these books for the next couple of weeks, so expect more posts detailing each book, including some scans of some of the sweet vintage artwork inside of them!

So, again, my sincere thanks goes out to Kevin for thinking of a person he doesn't even know and sending these along. Now, along with my one-of-a-kind Conan custom action figure and my hand drawn Conan trading card from Bubbashelby, I have a Conan collection that would impress even Crom sitting high upon his grim mountain!

Just for Fun...

Conan on the Cover of Hulk #201?

Nope! This savage, black-haired barbarian is named "Kronak". But let's be honest, we all know damn well who Marvel Comics wanted readers to think he is!