"The Axes of CONAN"

Over at Random happenstance the blog. random-happenstance.blogspot.com - I found this cool little parody. I took it upon myself to share the humorous strip put together by that blogs Administrator...it is quite funny. Enjoy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New year from all of us!

Borrowed this piece from :
The Amalgam Age of Comics ...a very awesome blog you should all check out. It is a busy time of year with people rushing to and fro and brack and froth and we just want to wish everyone well and a safe and healthy and extremely Happy New Year come what may! Remember ...CROM is watching over you and will let you wander off into the cold all by yourself to freeze to death if you're not paying attention. So CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES , bundle up and be safe!

CONAN Movie special cover by Earl Norem

I wanted to break the streak of parody posts ( Not that it's just not funny but after the Cuomo thing I had to change the pace. ) But I wanted to share this awesome Earl Norem cover on the paperback version of the Marvel comics Conan the barbarian movie adaptation with interiors of course by John Buscema. The Marvel super special contains the same art. The back cover is also just as awesome as the montage piece by Buscema makes a nifty back cover. Norem's version of Arnold's likeness is also pretty damned cool too. I read this book more often than I do the magazine and I almost never touch the 2 part comic book. Norem's interpretation of the famous Movie poster is in my opinion just as good if not better. I am certainly glad they issued the book with a different cover. Seeing Earl's painting brings a certain thrill and chill...it brings me right back to the day when Conan the Barbarian hit the screens for the first time. Probably the coolest movie ever...EVER!!!

CUOMO the Conqueror? Not brand Blechh!!!

I was reading the Daily News yesterday and came across this photo of Arnold's body with Governor of NY Andrew Cuomo's face shopped in. Lets just say...it aint right. Apparently GQ magazine ran an article on The Governor and in it...of course former Governor Shwarzenegger is mentioned as well as NJ Governor Christie and President of the U.S.A , Obama. Is the magazine worth the money to go get it because of this photo...not to me. But someone I'm sure who is motivated by politics and CONAN maybe would want to go get it and read the article. I'm just sharing because...it's a funny picture. Like I said...It just don't look right!

" This aint CONAN the Barbarian "

Over at that adult oriented site "Hustler dot com" ( I disguised the link pretty clever like eh? ) They have a preview of the new adult oriented parody of everyones favorite Sword swinging barbarian getting himself into all kinds of mischief. We're all adults here...so...for those of you who are interested check it out. At least it's not BONAN!

" The Savage Sword of Commander X " by Jay Piscopo

Jay Piscopo , Comic creator , artist , Author and Publisher is responsible for this homage/parody to our favorite Son of Cimmeria. Jay has a unique and classic style all his own. His work reminds me a bit of Alex Toth and some Steve Rude ( Greatly influenced by Toth himself ) Visit Jay's website and check out his products. This drawing right here sparked an idea. Jay ( Who through Dr. Mego ) produces his own COMMANDER X action figures that you can buy online through his website (HERE). You can also visit his Blog on Blogspot (HERE).

....next year the plan is to produce a SAVAGE SWORD version of COMMANDER X ( MEGO ) style action figure complete with furry shorts. I made friends with Jay on the facebook after I saw his Undersea super hero the SEA GHOST comic book. I felt the need to share this drawing with the good readers of CROM...be on the lookout next year for this new Barbaric action figure. I know I'll be getting me one. Dig it!

MARKAN the BARBARIAN

Check out Mark here in this poster dressed as a Barbarian of some sort. Look at his fist going through that helmet.

Me and Mark having a little ( POSED ) arm wrestle at the 1983 JETS SWARM PICNIC in East Meadow NY. I was 15

Mark Gastineau number 99 for the NY JETS from 1979 to 1988 one of the most physically dominant players ever to step foot on the BATTLEFIELD known as the GRIDIRON. In 100 starts he racked up 100 sacks and by the end of his career he had 107 sacks...( 106 and a half actually ) at 6'5" tall and weighing in at 276 lbs he was a powerful and imposing giant among men. His prowess on the field was legendary he would tear helmets in half. Few men in football can lay that claim to fame. He once held the record for most sacks in one season at 22 sacks only broken within the last few years by former NY FOOTBALL GIANT Michael Straihan.

At one time he was married to Brigitte Nielsen ( who went on to play RED SONJA ) he retired from Football to spend more time with her whileshe was going through a tough time with Cancer. Don't worry she beat it. But his career was done. He tried going into the Canadian Football league but he did not get much respect from any of the other members of the league and his career in the CFL was brief. So he turned to boxing and he had a pretty impressive record but that did not last long either. Later on he had done some time in the Pen for drug possession and when he came out he tried going back to boxing. But at that time he was not quite what he used to be as boxers were all training hard to battle big men such as himself. He retired from that as well. Lately he lays low but has been known to make appearances at Sports card trade conventions and other public personal appearances. He is still a legend in the NFL and still has the respect of the league.

In 1983 I met him and actually had a photo taken with him...arm wrestling. This is shortly after a bar fight scrap he'd gotten into with the bouncer of a club in NY over ARM WRESTLING of all things.

An interesting little bit of History here. Sylvester Stallone actually wanted Gastineau to play the part of DRAGO in Rocky III...but for one reason or another Mark turned it down. ( Take it with a grain of salt ) During that time..STALLONE was married to the woman Mark would marry just 2 years later...coincidence? I think not.

That kind of leads to another similar situation between Mickey Roarke , Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa...Jason did not want to share a set with Mickey ( Take it with a grain of salt )...years ago when Lisa ( Jason's wife ) was filming ANGEL HEART with Mickey Roarke it was rumored they had a little on set romance going on....so...The part of CONAN's Daddy was given to Ron Pearlman. Coincidence? Hmmm...Don't buy into these old Hollywood rumors. Anyway...Gastineau will always be one of my heroes. He had that physique and size I always imagined would be pretty much what CONAN looked like up close and personal...and from Gastineau's performance out on the BATTLEFIELD pretty much what it would be like too.

WULF vs IRONJAW

Oh , Maybe 35 years ago...a completely arbitrary guesstimate. A new line of comic books came out headed by former employees of Marvel comics. The goal was to give Marvel a run for their money. Being that Marvel had been called ATLAS comics at one time the name ATLAS was chosen as a dig. The comic books produced were high quality material by some of the best people in the field at the time. Standout comics included Destructor , The Pheonix , Morlock and the midnight men and TWO count'em TWO ...CONAN the Barbarian inspired characters. The comics in the line were done by Neal Adams , Larry Hama , Larry Lieber , Howard Chaykin , Mike Sekowsky , Pablo Marcos and STEVE DITKO! ( As well as several other top talents of the time ) The comic books themselves were well written and very well drawn. They were a comparable product to what Marvel was putting out then.

CONAN was at that time one of the best selling and some months THE best selling comic book at the stands...giving Spiderman the nudge from time to time. So of course other companies whipped up Barbarian characters to jump on the bandwagon...it's an old story we all know and love...DC comics had CLAW and so on Blah , Bla , Blah.

Lets fast forward all the way to the present day. ATLAS comics has seen a revival and TWO count'em TWO of CONAN's distant cousins are making a comeback...against one another.

My comic book store does not get many alternate press comics so..I have to stick with the usual super hero material. Lucky for me he gets DYNAMITE and DARK HORSE books...so I won't miss RED SONJA and CONAN....So As of yet I have not seen these new ATLAS comics..but I am on the hunt for them...( eBay ) Take a look at these awesome covers. Makes you want to go run and find them yourselves right?

If somebody beats you out on that auction..it could be me. Sorry.

MOANIN the BAVARIAN !!!

From 1991 comes a CONAN parody out of Marvels comics' comedy comic book "WHAT THE ?!"
This particular bit of HYBORIAN HILARIOUSNESS comes from issue # 12 art by Bill Wray.

CRONAN the Beerbarian

A Parody from Marvel comics' series "WHAT THE ?!" # 12 There was also another 10 page parody comic story in the same issue...we'll share that with you in the days to come. Meantime...ENJOY!

CRONAN the incorrigible

Another CONAN parody brought to us by Marvel comics from CRAZY magazine # 86....art by Joe Albelo in the style of Dick Browne ( Hagar the Horrible ) click F11 for a larger image

The art of Sanjulian..." A Witch shall be born "

I like to visit Comicartfans.com every so often and look for anything at all I might be able to use on one of my blogs...be it HERCULES or SONJA or SHANNA related and I sit and peruse for hours sometimes just searching for whatever strikes me at the moment. I find some of the most amazing pieces of work just about everytime I am there. I appreciate the fact that these artists share the art so we can all enjoy it.

On my last visit I came across this Sanjulian piece and I was completely floored. The man has been a famous fantasy artist for as long as I am alive and he never ceases to amaze me everytime I see his work. Now...I fancy myself as decent artist...NOT A PRO by any means. But when I look at the work of Joe Jusko and the Hilderbrandts and Boris and Bell I know...there is no way in hell I will ever be a working professional fantasy artist in this lifetime. THEN I come across Sanjulian's pencils and finished masterpiece and I almost cried. The final nail was put in the coffin lid.

Look at his pencils before he puts paint to his piece....every stroke and line and bit of shading such masterful skill. I can't even believe my eyes sometimes when these artists are finished.

I do not have a favorite interpretation of CONAN on the cross ...Who am I to judge? I just love looking at the great work by all the legends...I wait for more patiently. I know I will never be let down. Sanjulian is a Master. This piece is amazing. Enjoy. ( Hit F11 for larger image )

Highland BADASS vs ZULU warrior

I guess this'll fall into the " Not quite CONAN " department. I found this video on youtube
and the person who posted it mirrored the image to nullify copyright infringement as the video is owned by viacom. ( Don't really see how that would work ) But here it is ...Celtic HERO " Sir " William Wallace complete with blue war paint in battle against Zulu warrior KING , SHAKA ZULU.

Taken from an episode of DEADLIEST WARRIOR from the SPIKE network. Anyone familiar with the show knows that these battle scenarios are run 1000 times through a battle simulator program and the warrior with the greater percentage of kills/wins earns the title " DEADLIEST WARRIOR ".

They have already run an episode with Zombies and Vampires...Now...I'm waiting until they get to
everyones favorite Broadsword swinging CIMMERIAN! Hmm...Now the question...who would we put CONAN up against?

( P.S. If we are told to remove the video by reps from viacom...it will be done. In the meantime enjoy ! )

Book Review: FANGBONE! Third Grade Barbarian! by Michael Rex

Fangbone! Third Grade Barbarian combines three things that I have always loved; graphic novels, stories about funny kids in school (the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, come to mind) and sword-swinging, helmet -denting barbarians. So imagine the sheer joy I felt while reading Mike Rex's book where he deftly rolls up all of these things into one single, hilarious, raucous, bellowing, zany, barbaric (and sometimes gross) package.

And he even signed it for me with a little sketch!

Fangbone is about a young barbarian warrior (named Fangbone, natch) who goes through the usual trials of trying to prove himself to his barbarian tribe, but never gets a chance because the rest of his uncouth brethren are too busy pointing out the fact that he is a runty little kid, despite the fact that Fangbone wears his courage on his chest like a set of plate armor.

The story kicks off as the army of Drool (the main bad dude) is about to attack Fangbone's clan in order to retrieve the severed big toe of said bad dude, which is the last remaining piece of his body that is needed to resurrect him. But Fangbone's clan isn't about to give that up, so while the warriors battle the evil horde, Fangbone is given the big toe and sent into another dimension by a sorcerer (ZORKO! GORKO! DORKO! DOO!) to keep it safe. And that other dimension happens to be our world.

After a valiant battle with an old truck in a dump heap, Fangbone finds himself in an elementary school, surrounded by a group of... shall we say... special... kids, who are all so odd enough in their own rights that they don't really give him too much grief about wearing fuzzy shorts to school.

Fangbone becomes quick friends with a kid named Bill, who's a little light on the confidence, but is nice enough to show Fangbone the ropes of living in our world, like how to flush a toilet.

I don't want to go too into the story, but suffice it to say that the evil army of Drool sends some nasties to get that big toe and Fangbone must enlist the help of his new cohorts in fighting them (doing wonders for Bill's confidence along the way).

My favorite scene is toward the end of the book when the go toe to toe (no pun intended) with Lord King Bat, who totally looked like the kind of creature I would have drawn all over my Trapper Keeper folders when I was in 3rd grade.

I also love the scene when a squirrel steals the big toe. But I digress.

The artwork in this book is simple, yet skilled, and the monochrome coloring scheme is brilliant, if you ask me. I think I've made it pretty clear that I loved this book and greatly hope that there will be more tales of Fangbone in the future, so I'll shut up now about its cover-to-cover epic-ness.

Now, in all fairness, I know that most of the readers of CROM! are more into the gritty barbaric novels of Robert E. Howard and probably less inclined to curl up with a graphic novel about 3rd-graders, but for the few of you that do have a child-like heart, or perhaps an actual adventure-loving child in your home, Fangbone is sure to be a major hit... like a beanball to the face (you'll have to read the book to know what that means).

For more about Mike Rex and Fangbone! visit is blog HERE.

Conan 2012 Calender Spotted at Barnes & Noble!

I was browsing around B&N yesterday with the Mrs. when I spotted this classic Buscema Conan cover beaming at me from within a sea of kittens, unicorns, football teams and Dilbert calenders...

No, I did not buy it on the spot, but rather quickly added it to my Christmas list by jumping up and down and pointing at it frantically like a grinning idiot in front of my wife.

I think she got the point.

Win a Copy of Barbarians: A Handbook for Aspiring Savages (via Superpunch)

Comment and win a copy from Superpunch, or you can just jolly-well buy your own copy on Amazon. Your choice.

The 17 Most Awesome Sword-And-Sorcery Movies Ever Made from Popcrunch

Popcrunch has posted their list of...

The 17 Most Awesome Sword-And-Sorcery Movies Ever Made

Guess who made #1? (And #17 and #7, for that matter.)

KILLJOY : A Crazy CONAN parody

This parody appeared in Marvel Comics' CRAZY magazine # 90 with a cover by Bob Larkin. The story was written by Paul Kupperberg and the art was by Bob Camp and Marie Severin. Arnold...well you know where Arnold comes from.