Well, I thought it was high time for another installment of "Not Quite Conan" where we talk about the other barbarians (yes, there were others) from popular culture.
Today's special quest is named Dar but most of you may know him as "The Beastmaster"! When I was a kid I must have seen Beastmaster about a gazillion times, give or take. That was back when at any given time of the day, the movie was probably showing on some channel. We used to joke that HBO stood for "Hey! Beastmaster's on!"
Anyway, Dar is a far cry from Conan in so many ways, although he does fit within the barbarian criteria in that he wears fuzzy shorts and hits people with a sword. Where he differs from Conan is in that he could almost be considered skinny, he has hair more like He-Man and he has pet ferrets. Also his name sounds like something you'd yell out when one of your friends says something stupid; "Dar!"
This is what he looks like...
The role of Dar (that just keeps sounding so stupid!) was played by Marc Singer. It's the usual story of bad guys come out of nowhere and slaughter his family and then he goes after them is a whirling typhoon of vengence. There's also a hot chick in it. Check her out...
Here's one with him and the hot chick and one of his pet ferrets...
He somehow along the way makes friends with the dad from Good Times and a young buy who really should have worn more clothing...
Okay, well, he was pretty well clothed in that last pic, but trust me, it bordered on child porn.
There were also some really nasty dudes with a penchant for leather masks that Dar (so stupid) got to kick the tar out of...
Dar also hung out with an eagle and a tiger that had been spray-painted black, which I guess is why the tiger was so pissed all the time...
Here's the original video cover..
That's kind of funny because nowhere in the entire movie do those two weird dudes in the lower right corner appear. Whatever. The box was eventually redesigned to include the super-creepy eyeball ring that the bad guy wore, and what better way to celebrate a super-creepy eyeball ring than to have an artist paint one that looks nothing like the one in the movie. Again, whatever...
Here's a seriously bad ass promo poster for the movie...
And here's one from another country that I thought was hilarious...
There were some other great things in the movie like these weird bat-men that sucked peoples' bones dry with their veiny wings and some wiches with crusty old faces but really hot bodies that confused my poor young impressionable mind, but I got too lazy to look up pictures of either of them, so let's just end today's post with another picture of Dar (damn, that sounds so rediculous!) sitting with his half-naked hot chick and smiling into the sunset...
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